Un-Deadpool
by BitterSweetTeller
Summary: A certain crazy X-Men character's version of a story of a Season 2 that could've been. A follow up to Season 1 with moderate spoilers. Rated K Plus for suggestive content, purposely illogical randomness, and some action.


Un-Deadpool: A (cross out Wolverine and the X-Men) Un-Deadpool/X-Men Comics

(Shift here and paste to the right) Oneshot(no twoshot huh?)

((editorially erased Shoot) and…seriously?! Sigh, paste again) Crossover Fanfiction

(cross out Side Notes and then cross out Disclaimer) Un-Deadpool Update: Just that Un-Deadpool alone is completely responsible for mind boggling insanity and not the currently tied up original writer.

Introduction(by me, Un-Deadpool, of course):

Enter a red and black costumed wrestler of awesome who happens to have a lot of black lasers(chuckle chuckle) in his Batman gadget belt(seriously, does he have a (cross out fold out here) bathtub of holding in that thing just waiting to be smashed into a quantum pool of nothing? There goes the Romulan mining ship in Red). Oh, and here behind me is my Wade Wilson fan club Studio(yes, they're holograms of obscure nightmarish people to amuse me to no end). And Mojo says hi(I talk to myself to date my calendar of women…that I'll never get to see again for no reason at all).

Hello(cross out fellow Xnites) Wade Wilson fan club! And welcome to Un-Deadpool Story Time! As for the name(the first part is obviously an inside joke wrapped in cornstalk crumbs): Blame the writers of Lost Ultimate Heroes of Alternate (cross out Avengers = too obvious) Assemble for motivating me to insult them and their fans in the greatest way possible.

Hate mail is quite welcome…because that means I accomplished my purpose in life: To drive people crazy until they give up their couches and television sets to the cause of my (cross out biceps) promotion deal with (cross out Weapon X) the X-Gen Rating Board of Kicks(what a kick of randomness in the(cross out morning) evening under a silvery hungry moon).

Seriously though(but am I ever not it'sme(editorially SiteCensoredCensored)guy random level of serious?), in the not too far past future of 2015(hey, that works now! Fan-(editorially SiteCensoredCensored)-Tastic!), the same writers of Lost Ultimate Heroes of Alternate Assemble caused my appearance for Wolverine and the X-Men and beyond to be delayed, canned, cancelled, shot back to pre-production DC reminiscent 90's hell(yay! I'm in my happy place now…where I'll stay unless… Never mind…I lost my mind of me already to Myself and I)…

No Myself…for the last time, April goes next to December(now count to sixty for ninety pounds of chimichangas)! I, cue the largely circumstantially inappropriately drawn out(and by that, I mean extended beyond commercial length due to Wade Wilson fan club lack of funding) Till the World Ends song(no offense meant to the Fan-(SiteCensoredCensored and SiteCensoredCensored)-Tastic singer: Please don't sue me unless you miss me).

And, I, looks like Myself got the chimichangas for us all(but mostly for Me, Myself, and I: Fan Club goes with some sponsored Soda on a billboard somewhere in the attic). All right, It! We'll get story time started(it was just until we got the…are you reading my thoughts again, oh great and powerful It?! Damn-(editorially SiteCensoredCensored)-it!).

Round 1(what script, I? This is ranting on and on until the royalties come pouring…! I don't care if this looks like non-profit, Myself! That's what the Some Sponsored Soda commercials are for anyway):

Lower holodeck recreation curtains, I…

And so Fan-(editorially SiteCensoredCensored)-Tastic writer staff revenge begins. Xmmortal Kombat! Future and Present Mr. Sinister's mostly lookalike but blue brother Apocalypse(aww, so cute) build Emma Frost back up(cause he can) to shatter Xavier's existence(with help from one that can walk in a certain (editorially SiteCensoredCensored) Wolverine pre-X-Gen movie) and the space-time bypass(continuity? I never heard of it, Myself says sarcastically).

Time and space merged Magneto of course is first to overreact(because he's all I-want-to-be-the-X-king-of-gen-and-only-when-all-e lse-fails-that-we-turn-to-him-turning-on-all-H-kin d; go Magnetism! You tell him, I). Magneto cries, "for existence of television!" Yes, I'm insane and crazy(and several other things you can't say on television without (editorially SiteCensoredCensored and editorially SiteCensoredCensored)).

Apocalypse is all, "for Apocalypse Story Time!" And yes, he even gets out a floating storybook filled with Pyramid ancient Egyptian spells(and laser enhanced punches) to remove Magneto's oh so precious helmet and turn him into a bottled up X-Gen formula(grows Star clones for all your Lucasfilm cartoon needs). And Apocalypse wins(right now at least, he has to: He came with the X-Gen Rating Board deal) for Stonehedge level Xmmortal status(since the Stone Age of Dinosaurs).

Round 2(now for Titanic movie level Xmmortal status. All right I: You go on ahead to Miss Richie Rich, and I'll read your letter from the shipwreck about calendar Christmas date rearranging on the ocean floor! Fine: You can stay by borrowing a Cerebro to seek shattered timeline continuity Miss Richie Rich. Happy now?! Good. Myself, pass me another twenty chimichangas for my healing factor to eat up):

Continuity overriding X-23 army from the long forgotten future(might as well be: Time calls can be real (editorially SiteCensoredCensored) Future Back to back Heavy) and the rest of the Sentinel future continuity(gift wrapped in pretty much Un-Deadpool-less X-Men Evolution episode related Sentinel junk from Myself's yard, despite (cross out being and then cross out staying in its relative present) just staying in one time (cross out slot) zone) including the Sentinels themselves against X witch doctor Apocalypse(ok, I guess that's Mr. Sinister for you, Myself…but still…).

In short, I and Myself: Because my Apocalypse of awesome needs a sprinkle of extra teenage versions of X-men to fit the multi-theme(Sigh. Yes, I, you can add that hologram too).

When Mr. Sinister reinforcements off camera come, Wolverine and friends are like, "hit him with everything in chimichanga goodness! Target every Mr. Sinister related thing in movement before it(editorially SiteCensoredCensored)…! Archangel pins me down again! Oh, the Phoenix humanity of it all! Stealth (cross out move) mode!" Rogue steals Mr. Sinister power to send the remaining members of his kin(not really, but the windmills of my feet…down the street… Myself, we aren't doing Singing in the Rain here!) to the sewers(cause who ever needs side losers like them anyway?).

Not only that, but Sentinel made rockets coming raining down on with X hating intent. Apocalypse urges to now Half Horse Emma Frost, "stay frosty." This follows with Phoenix level of rocket wipeout(and the Hellfire Club goes wild: At least what's left of them from Hindsight) from Emma Frost, who now has a clone Magneto grown from the ground(I, you know you want this) just to rain down entire buildings cities on the now buried in Phoenix Force fallout(now they all get to be clones for the action figure collection). Hence, Apocalypse the reborn power-pyramid is born Titanic.

Round 3(only not round 4 for(editorially SiteCensoredCensored and editorially SiteCensoredCensored) Half Horse):

Now for Sands of Time Rogue level of Kombat here: Enter Mystique powered up with Shadow monster essence and X Experiment self induced Phoenix level powers to go up against everyone else in the entire(editorially SiteCensoredCensored and editorially SiteCensoredCensored) un-un-Deadpooled Season 1. Long story battle short: Mystique overloads Apocalypse long enough for his own clones X helpers(or Half Horse guys and gals) to overpower him into nothingness(thereby making all of this utterly pointless…or does it?).

The whole-what-is-actually-(editorially SiteCensoredCensored)-meaningful-bit:

In the aftermath of course, Me, Myself, and I win all of X-Gen Rating Board earnings. That is, after using nothingness Apocalypse as a hostage to steal it all from another…well, Me, Myself, and I. And all is right with the said Chaos Theory mixed up world of crime…and chimichangas(ooh, scary: But not for Me, says I to Me 2, Myself 2, and I 2).

Cursed are Me 2, Myself 2, and I 2 to cry into their life remotes(oh, those television writers: Literally cracking some part of me up).

So the morale of The Un-un-Deadpool-calypse Pyramid Age is this, Wade Wilson fan club: Blessed are those ninety pounds of chimichangas for giving me a light to my inner DJ mastery(just go with it, all of my Myselfs). You, Apocalypse colored chimichanga, are truly king of Chaos Theory.

Stay tuned for next Un-Deadpool Story Time, Myself and I(and the holographic people besides It: Only(editorially SiteCensoredCensored) kidding, It):

When The Uh-uh-uh-Deadpool-dream House of D comes to town.

**Does the Insanity ever end in the dream of electric calendars?**

**Please Feel Free To Comment On Or Continue This Storyline…So Please Leave A Message At The Dream House Tone Of Rocking Lasers**


End file.
